Stuff by Jeremy Strong

Author:Jeremy Strong
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2008-11-04T05:00:00+00:00

17

Decision Time

I lay there until I saw him turn the corner. I sat up, aching all over. This was crazy. I don’t mind getting into trouble when I’ve done something wrong, but I was innocent! I wished Sky would come back along the corridor and find me slumped, injured, bleeding. She’d crouch down and cradle my head against her chest. Hmmm, hold that thought, I thought.

Pete says men think about sex every six seconds. That’s OK by me, though it does make me wonder what we think about for the other five. Or if, in fact, we think for the other five seconds at all. Pete reckons he’s special and says he thinks about it every four seconds.

‘How do you know?’ I asked.

I counted.’

‘Yeah, but all you’d have to do is look at your watch and make yourself think about it every four seconds.’

‘Yeah, but I don’t have to make myself – that’s the point. I just do, naturally’

‘I could think about it every two seconds if I wanted.’

‘Go on, then,’ he challenged.

Ten seconds later. ‘There. Told you.’

‘How do I know what you were thinking? Prove it.’

‘No. You prove you think about it every four seconds.’

Pete burst out laughing. ‘Idiot! We’ve been talking about nothing else for the last three minutes!’

Anyhow, where was I? Oh yes, nestling against Sky’s chest, my head against her … I can’t say the word. You know. My heart’s thumping. I tried touching Delfine there once. She asked me what I was doing.

‘Touching you,’ I said, because I was.

‘Well, don’t.’

So that was that. I had learned nothing. How was I supposed to grow up and expand my education if knowledge was denied me? But Sky wouldn’t be like that. She’d stroke my hair and speak softly and say nice things and KISS ME BETTER! Oh yes. Best bit. I wonder if she’d like lip-nibbling? Maybe she’d read that book. Maybe I should ask again. Maybe she would go out with me. Shame about the boyfriend.

And here we go, back to square one, and Problemo Numero Uno. Delfine. I was coming to the inescapable conclusion that I would have to break up with Delfine. And, if I dumped Delfine, then Darcy the Destroyer would slaughter me.

Brainwave! Darcy was going to kill me anyway because he thought that note hadn’t come from Tasha, and it had, so he was bound to take it out on me because I couldn’t deliver it again. So, if Darcy was going to kill me for that, he couldn’t kill me for dumping Delfine, because I’d already be dead. There – saved! Well, saved for my coffin at any rate. Maybe Sky would weep at my funeral. She’d stand beside my grave, tears rolling down her elfin cheeks, while she chucked spadeloads of earth on to the coffin lid and declared her undying love.

Only problem was: she loved someone else.

‘What are you doing down there?’ It was Pete.

‘Thinking. Dreaming. Dying.’ I stood up and told him about my brush with Death.

‘That’s a bit of a mess,’ said Pete, and he actually looked quite knocked back.

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